The Awakening: Aidan Read online

Jaylin groaned, stood, and threw up her hands. “See! This damn Drall makes you oblivious to the consequences.”

  Pushing to his feet, Aidan grabbed her by the upper arms. “I’ve seen the consequences, Jaylin, through Liam, through my brother. He lost his mate four years ago. Yes, the first couple of years were horrible, as it is with any death. But once the haze of grief lifts, and no matter what you think, it does lift, even for a shifter, he was able to concentrate on the peace that filled him. The place where his mate ran through his blood was filled with such harmony he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she waited for him on the other side, that she was happy where she was, and he would one day join her. An unbonded human can’t say that.”

  Jaylin shook her head. “I won’t do it. I won’t bond myself to someone for eternity. You don’t have a choice, but I do, and all I can do at this point is keep you from becoming Liam, because if you Fewse to me that is exactly what is going to happen. I will reject you.”

  Aidan released her and ran a hand through his hair. “I won’t wind up like Liam. You’re making it damn clear that you won’t reciprocate the Fewshon, so why would I do that to myself?”

  At his words, his beast growled, baring his teeth, then lunged forward, sending a need to mate through him. Clenching his jaw, Aidan ignored the instinct.

  A sputtered laugh came from her. “Oh my God. You think you can control it.”

  “I can control it, just like you told Liam he could.”

  “You’re a fool. The affects of the Drall are completely different from Dsershon. Liam is no longer driven to connect to his mate. He already is. That instinct is potent, unyielding. Who knows what will happen if you try to fight it. Kissing me was the biggest mistake of your life.”

  Aidan grabbed her waist and jerked her to his chest. He had to prove to her that he could keep his instincts contained. He was stronger than they were. If he didn’t, he feared he’d never get the chance to break down her defenses, show her they were meant for each other—forever. The possibility of losing Jaylin scared him far worse than winding up like Liam.

  Maybe he was oblivious to the consequences. Maybe he was a fool. But he was certain he couldn’t walk away from her.

  She grabbed his biceps and leaned back. “You have to let me go.”

  Never.

  “Let me prove myself, Jaylin. Let me kiss you the way I’ve always wanted to. Let me show you the instinct doesn’t drive me.”

  “But you’ve already shown me it does, when you kissed me yesterday. Your eyes were iridescent blue when you spun me around. The instinct was controlling you.”

  “Do you see any blue in my eyes now?”

  She swallowed. “No.”

  “Let me kiss you as Aidan. Not as Mr. O’Connell, not driven by my instinct, but as me.”

  He saw the indecision in her eyes, but she didn’t push him away. Didn’t step back. She wanted to kiss Aidan just as much as he wanted to kiss her. As Aidan.

  “A kiss, Jaylin, nothing more.”

  Slowly, he lowered his head. When she didn’t deny him, he brushed his mouth across hers. A warm, pleased sigh flowed across his lips. He gathered her closer, slanting his mouth across hers as her arms slid over his shoulders and around his neck. He licked the seam of her mouth. The honeyed scent of her arousal perfumed the air as her lips parted, allowing him access.

  This was how he always wanted to kiss Jaylin. Slowly, thoroughly, exploring every sweet crevice of her mouth as she melted in his arms. He cupped the sides of her face as he lightened the kiss, nipping along her bottom lip, until she moaned and shifted closer, silently asking for more. He denied her, keeping it playful.

  “Aidan, please,” she whimpered against his mouth as she rose on her tiptoes to get closer to him, her arms tightening around him.

  Hearing her breathe his name in the way he’d craved, having her urge him to deepen the kiss, caused a rumble to quake in his chest as his beast made his presence known, insisting on more. Instinctively, he crushed her against his body, moving them backward until he had her pressed against the side of the cabin. His exploration became more frantic. His hands sought her ass, bringing her closer to his rigid cock. Her breathing quickened, and she hopped up to wrap her legs around his waist, her tongue just as frenzied as his. He’d finally broken down her wall. She clung to him, kissing him back with the same intensity he felt.

  Yet he needed more.

  He lowered a hand between their bodies, rubbed his thumb on the inside of her thigh. A feral growl ripped from his mouth. He wanted it there. Needed it there.

  Bite. Mark. Bond.

  She stiffened, ripping her mouth from his. The way she stared up at him, as if a wild animal now held her, let him know his beast proudly displayed itself in his eyes. Made its intentions clear.

  He lowered her until her feet touched the ground, shocked at how the instinct had flared out of control so quickly, how easily he could still mark her right here on the porch without a care if Liam or the whole world was his witness. He stared at her lips, swollen from the aggression of his kiss, and it took everything inside him to back away.

  “I knew—”

  “Don’t,” he said, recoiling from the censure in her voice. He hadn’t proven anything. If anything he’d proven her right. “Don’t say a word.”

  “But—”

  “I mean it, Jaylin. Not. A. Word.”

  She tilted her chin up and he watched the sensual woman he’d held a few seconds ago place every one of her barriers back up. “Is he here?” Crisp, in control, as if she hadn’t just been begging him for more.

  He shoved a hand through his hair. “He promised he wouldn’t ditch you this time.”

  “Maybe it’d be best if I gave Liam his therapy at my office.”

  And give her another way to distance herself from him? Not a chance in hell. “He wants to be here.”

  “Then you need to stay in your office.”

  “I told you I would.”

  She hesitated a moment before walking past him, and Aidan retreated, scared that if she even slightly brushed him, he’d snap completely.

  His movement didn’t go unnoticed. The tension between them increased as she grimaced and sidestepped farther, as if she were scared he’d snap.

  Fan-fucking-tastic.

  As they walked into the living room, Aidan went to his leather chair, placing his laptop on the table beside it, and sat. Frowning, Jaylin froze, then made a nasty noise as she shook her head. “One day I’ll learn. This is your office, isn’t it?”

  He shot her a cocky smile he didn’t feel. “Work here a few hours a day, five days a week.”

  “And what exactly is it you do?”

  “I’m a consultant.”

  He didn’t elaborate. If he made her too curious about what he did, it’d only take a quick Google search of his name for her to realize exactly who she was dealing with.

  “What kind of consultant?”

  He shrugged. “I have a knack for helping failing businesses turn around.”

  “Really?”

  She didn’t have to sound so damn surprised. Yeah, he’d embraced his laid-back persona pretty fiercely after he’d retired, but he wasn’t some shifter that flitted from job to job as she apparently thought. Man, she was going to be shocked when she learned exactly how much he was worth.

  “Yeah, Aidan is pretty sought-after. Who wouldn’t want the bad—”

  Aidan sent a warning look to Liam, who’d just come to stand inside the living room. Liam snapped his mouth closed.

  “Bad what?”

  Liam scratched his head. “The badass Aidan to work for them.”

  Aidan suppressed a groan and rolled his eyes. Yeah, like that wouldn’t arouse some curiosity on her part.

  Jaylin glanced between them before turning her attention to Liam as he lowered himself onto the couch. “I wasn’t aware that Aidan’s office was in the living room. Would you like to do this in your room instead?”

  Aidan’s beast im
mediately growled, but he covered it with a cough.

  “No. I’d rather do it in here. I’d prefer Aidan to stay anyway. I think he needs to hear this.”

  Aidan scowled at his friend, understanding the hidden meaning in his last words—the warning.

  Jaylin hesitated, but she eventually sighed and perched on the couch next to Liam, who situated his body on the cushions so he was facing her better. Aidan didn’t like how close they were, knees almost touching, but he clenched his mouth shut. No reason to be jealous over Liam. Besides, his friend had enough problems without adding Aidan’s irrational behavior to it.

  “So where do we start, doc?”

  Doc? He didn’t like the nickname either. Aidan rolled his shoulders, and again rubbed his chest.

  “I want to ask a few questions first.”

  “All right.”

  “Right now what do you feel?”

  “Nothing out of norm for a bonded shifter.” Liam looked down at the floor as he folded his hands together and let them hang between his knees. “No spikes. She’s just there, you know?”

  Jaylin nodded. “Do you feel anything right before a Bahrraj episode?”

  “No. It blindsides me. I’m sitting there and everything is fine, then I’m just lost in her feelings. I can’t stop it.”

  Jaylin reached over and squeezed Liam’s hands. The growl from Aidan’s beast filled the air before he had time to cover it. Both heads slowly turned toward him with eyebrows raised. Liam tugged his hands out of Jaylin’s grasp.

  “Are you serious?” she asked Aidan.

  He shrugged, refusing to apologize. Liam scooted back a few inches from her, and Aidan’s beast sniffed in approval.

  “Mr. O’Connell, I need for you to leave the room.”

  He scowled at the use of his last name, but stayed sitting.

  Liam shook his head. “I’d really like for him to stay, please.”

  Pursing her lips, she studied Liam. “Fine.” She pointed at Aidan. “I hear that again and you’re out. We clear?”

  He held his tongue, but he wanted to tell her exactly how she could stop the behavior. She had the ability to. She was just being a pain in the ass about it.

  “Okay, Liam, from what I’ve observed, when in the throes of an attack, you’re oblivious to your surroundings, which means you’ve completely lost control. What we need to do is give it back to you. The first thing we’re going to work on is recognizing the feeling you get right before an episode happens.”

  “I told you, I don’t feel anything.”

  She shook her head. “You do, you’re just not aware of it yet, and it doesn’t give you much warning, a few seconds maybe, but those few seconds are crucial.”

  “What does it feel like?”

  “Every shifter is different. Some feel a vibration. Others feel something akin to a hot flash, while others get this butterfly effect in their stomachs.”

  Liam’s eyes widened. “I’ve noticed this odd taste flood my mouth right before I black out.”

  “Good. We’re one step closer. What you have to do now is use it to keep grounded. What’s happening is you’re being attacked by her emotions and you have no time to fight it. It’s not like a physical attack where you get hit from behind and stagger but can regroup and fight back. This is an emotional and mental abduction. Without preparing, you’re defenseless.”

  “How am I supposed to prepare with only a few seconds as a warning?”

  “It won’t be easy. In fact, it’ll be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to master.”

  Aidan grimaced, understanding somewhat better what his friend was going through. What he might go through if he wasn’t careful. That acknowledgment was exactly why Liam had insisted on him staying in the room.

  “Will I always go into Bahrraj?” Liam asked.

  “In some form, yes. What we need to work on is keeping you conscious enough to get you out of it quickly and hopefully by yourself. The warning helps you stay aware of your surroundings.”

  “Wait. Are you saying I’ll eventually be able to work myself out of them?”

  “Yes.”

  Aidan was stunned at the true smile that turned Liam’s lips upward. For a moment, he saw his old friend. “Does that mean I can finally live alone again?” He glanced at Aidan. “No offense.”

  “None taken.”

  “You’ll be able to live independently one day.” She reached for Liam’s hand again, then stopped and slowly withdrew. “It won’t be any time soon, though. We have to make sure you have complete control first.”

  “Doc, this is the best news I’ve had since this all started. When I first moved in here, I thought it would be temporary, but as the months went by instead of getting myself back together, I kept sinking further and further into this uncontrollable darkness. I’ve felt like such a worthless leech, and after the Bahrraj episode, I thought I was doomed to being babysat all my life. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

  “Would you have listened?”

  “No…probably not.”

  “And that is why I didn’t tell you. I learned very early in my career that Dsershon brings out a mistrust and hopelessness in a shifter that is very hard to get past. I wasn’t surprised when you didn’t show up for your first session. I had to earn your trust, which I did yesterday when I asked you about your beast. I’m telling you now, therapy will give you your life back. It won’t be the same as before, but you can have a life again.”

  Aidan watched as the lines that had been present on Liam’s face ever since Ava’s Dsershon relaxed. Tension eased from his body. If his friend had any lingering doubt about getting therapy, it was now gone. Liam was ready to fight.

  “Okay, let’s get back to the warning,” Liam said. “What am I supposed to do when I taste it?”

  “Mentally prepare. Remind yourself that it’s her reality you are feeling, not yours. As her emotions overtake you, you hold on to that, repeat it, do not allow yourself to stray from it. Think of it as a life vest that will keep you from going under.”

  “All right.”

  “I’m going to have you bring on a Bahrraj episode right now.”

  “I can do that?”

  “You do not try this on your own. Only with me. It’d be very dangerous for you to do it alone.”

  Liam nodded.

  “Now concentrate on her bond. Think of nothing else but it. When you get that taste in your mouth, immediately tell yourself that you are feeling her, not you, and keep repeating that as the bond takes over.”

  Liam cleared his throat and stared forward. Aidan knew the moment his friend entered Bahrraj. Jaylin shot to her feet and grabbed his shoulder and snapped her fingers. “Liam!”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Outside! Now!” She pointed at him without taking her eyes off Liam.

  He didn’t question her demand and hurried out of the house. With the way his beast had thrashed around aggressively yesterday, he wanted as much distance between him and that device as possible. The flash filled the living room, spilling from the window. His beast’s reaction was instantaneous. Hissing, coiled tight in rage.

  Seconds later voices came from the house and he reentered. Jaylin still knelt beside Liam, listening to his chest through her stethoscope.

  “What the hell is that red flash thing you use?”

  Jaylin glanced up at him. With a resigned sigh, she tugged the stethoscope from her ears and stood. “It’s called a Splycer. During a Bahrraj episode, Liam loses all connection with his beast. The Splycer jolts the beast back into place, disrupts the episode, and brings Liam back to consciousness.”

  “Why does it piss off my beast?”

  “We’re not sure. All we know is the flash does something to a healthy shifter’s beast—makes it irate. Male therapists have to use trained half shifters to perform a shock. They can’t even go near it. It’s why I keep sending you from the room when I need to use it.”

  “I don’t think you’ve sent me far
enough away. I still felt its fury.”

  She placed the stethoscope and device back in the briefcase. “Not like you would if you’d been in the room. I’m genuinely sorry for the discomfort. I know it had to be disturbing.”

  Discomfort? He’d take that in a heartbeat over the seething fury he’d felt from his beast. However, she had “disturbing” accurate. “Do you use it only on Dsershon patients?”

  She lifted a brow. “Curious, aren’t you, Mr. O’Connell?”

  Aidan ignored the use of his last name. “Call me crazy for wanting to know a little more about a device my beast gets all worked up around.”

  A small smile came to her lips, almost as if he had actually amused her with his response, before she put back on her professional face. “Remember Dsershon is extremely rare, so we don’t actually use it for that as much as you think. The Splycer is mostly used on half shifters.”

  Now that surprised him. “Half shifters? Why?”

  “The females of our race may not have a beast but we do have latent shifter DNA, which, as you know, gives some of us special abilities. Unfortunately, rapid healing isn’t one of them. During life-threatening injuries, we have effectively used the Splycer to boost the genes to speed up healing. It can save a half shifter’s life when conventional medicine can’t.” Jaylin lowered herself onto the couch beside Liam. “Now do you have any more questions or can I get back to work?”

  “No,” he said through clenched teeth and stalked back to the chair in the corner.

  Jaylin turned to Liam. “What did you feel?”

  “I did what you told me to do once I felt the taste and then I was in oblivion.” He rubbed his face. “She was pensive, agitated. Do fully Fewsed shifters go through this?”

  “No.”

  “Then why the hell do rejected shifters?”

  Jaylin grabbed a notebook from her briefcase and drew two semicircles on a piece of paper. She tapped the pad with the end of her pen. “Think of these two halves as the two parts of the Fewshon. The shifter is one half and his mate is the other. When the bonding ritual is completed on both ends,” she drew a circle around both halves, “they become one and the effects of the Fewshon are constantly flowing between the two as they equally share it.”